Bargaining, Bartering and Bearing Gifts

Up until a few days ago, a baby bearing his brother a “gift” rightfully instilled me with a sense of tremendous foreboding. Not unlike the expectation of impending doom, which a post-war Trojan would have associated with a gifting counterpart from Greece. It meant that peace was over, and chaotic times were about to ensue. It meant that a little boy, with an angelic appearance to rival a cherub, was up to no good. Up until just a few days ago, bearing a brother a “gift” (i.e. a redundant toy, a scrap of paper, the random object closest by) was a decoy and a succesful strategy for stealing a brother’s object of occupance (i.e. a highly coveted toy, a choice pacifier, or even the remnants of a cracker found in a corner of the room). Said little marauder would quickly thrust the decoy object at one of his brothers, and use the brief moment of surprise and bewilderment to grab the loot, and make off with it in a hurry. Scuttling away as fast as he could, faring upright on his knees (they never walk on their feet, if they are in a hurry.)

Multiply this with three toddlers, who’s firmest beliefs are, that naps are overrated and the grass is always greener, and you have a day consisting of screams, squeals, and endless thieving.

But that was then. Up until a few days ago. We have now entered a new paradigm, and for lack of a catchy phrase, I simply call it “good brothers.” “Kind brothers” would be just as suitable, as would “considerate little creatures.” Although we still have the occasional theft during playtime, for the most part, they have suddenly become well-behaved and empathic towards each other. If a little guy sees a brother playing with an object he himself would like to paw, he will try to make him an offer. Gone is the swift attack of the decoy from before. Instead our little gang of brothers will approach each other with a suitable trade-off – another favorite toy, or maybe two pacifiers – and try to barter and bargain for the wanted object. And very often they succeed. Not just because they now take care in choosing an object to trade in, but because it seems, that they just have a newfound abundance of goodwill towards each other. Our little men are ready to give up their toys, even if the offered object aren’t what they are into, simply to be nice and accommodating.

And because of this, babies bearing gifts has taken on a new meaning. A gift is now a token of care, instead of a means to deception.

If a little guy is crying, a brother will bring him a pacifier. If I am handing out snacks, a little man will grab them all, just to distribute them to his brothers. And if no one is budging in a session of bartering, the victor holding the sought after toy, will freely hand it over to his brother, after a few minutes of play and afterthought. They have evolved from being a bunch of pint-sized robbers, to becoming truly social little beings. Something that not only makes their mother (me!) enormously proud, but means that the shared giggles now outweigh the cries.

I love this paradigm of “good brother”. Now, let’s see how long it lasts.

*** Update: The post above was written during this blog’s hiatus, when the boys were 18 months old. And I’m beyond happy to say, that at 24 months it still holds true. Long live the Paradigm of Good Brother! ***

∼ TDD 2016 ∼

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