2. Round Two

As I had been pregnant before, I knew what it felt like. And this time I felt it long before my period was due. I tried taking a test, but it was inconclusive. Then I tested every day for a few days, and it looked more and more positive. I told my man and my mother, that I was a little bit pregnant. They didn’t get it, and kind of shrugged their shoulders, smiling at me in bewilderment. Of course there is no such thing as a little bit pregnant. I still wonder, what they thought I meant. At the time I was too happy to really care.

Finally my period was due, and I took yet another test to confirm the pregnancy, and it was positive as can be. I told them again, and now they were ecstatic too. It was January, a short time after my spontaneous abortion, and it worked wonders relieving me from my feeling of loss. This was it. We really could have a baby. But I was also really scared. Scared of losing this little someone or something too.

My doctor told me to take it easy, and to take care of myself. I was reading pregnancy calendars on a daily basis. Your fetus is now so and so big. Your fetus has now developed this. Your fetus can now do that. I always read one full week ahead, but nothing more. I was too scared of getting too excited, in case we were to lose another baby-acorn. I wanted to get to week 12, to go to a regular scan and checkup, and to be told that the little life in me was sound and healthy. Then I would let my shoulders down, take a deep breath and be happy. All the while my stomach was growing and growing. At week 8 it was impossible to even try to hide.

∼ TDD 2015 ∼

*